Monday, March 27, 2006

The Science of Domestic Mysteries

In my local paper this morning was a feature on how much Mt. Hood’s glaciers have shrunk in the past century. Where have these glaciers gone? They can’t be hiding. Glaciers are massive and unwieldy, so it’s not like you’d catch them on the video cameras at the local Food-o-Mart wearing trench coats and baseball caps. Nor have they been stolen, since that brings up obvious problems for the thief, such as transportation and storage. Scientists have ruled these possibilities out, which leaves the obvious cause: Global Warming.

Global Warming affects all of us. Yes, yes, anyone who has watched television or movies in the past few years knows that the global warming will suddenly hit a critical point one day and gigantic tidal waves will knock down the Statue of Liberty and wash it down Broadway. But I want to draw your attention to the situations that are caused by global warming but are not reported upon by the media. We are affected in our very homes, people.

The other day I went into the kitchen to meditate on lunch. Many of you are familiar with this routine which can vary from standing in the middle of the room, deep breathing and hoping a Lunch Idea will strike you, to ransacking the cupboards in hopes that the food you find can be mixed together into something edible, maybe even palatable.

That day, however, there was nothing. Have you experienced this? Oh, sure, there’s food, but nothing that can actually be combined. Peanut butter, artichoke hearts, black beans, and celery. (I don’t want to get comments from anyone telling me that they actually have a recipe using those very ingredients, because if you do I’ll know you’ve got issues.) Do you think it’s a coincidence that all of your kitchen staples have gone missing at the very same moment?

I have two 4 ¾ year-olds who are, meanwhile, getting hungry. Homeland Security status has gone Code Yellow. I found a bag of brown rice in the fridge. Ok. I can do something with this. I got the rice going on the stove, turned the timer on and left the kitchen. I have cooked rice a lot in my life. I know how much water to use and how much rice without measuring. But that day was different. Global Warming was occurring at a high rate in my house.

I heard the timer go off, so I went to the kitchen and witnessing smoke thickly blowing out of the rice pot. I grabbed it and put it outside and then opened all my windows. The girls were fascinated by my sudden movements, but now they just stood there. Hungrier. I voiced my concerns. “Um. I’m not sure what we’ll have for lunch today.” Little Sydney suggested peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Of course! I grabbed the bread, the peanut butter. Then I looked at the jam jar. There was only about a tablespoon left. Arrgghh!

I called my mother. She lives next door and we frequently bail each other out in food emergencies. “Can I borrow some jam?” She told me she only had about a tablespoon left. How can this be? She always has exactly what I need. Obviously Global Warming has spread everywhere. Must be why they call it “global.”

Then I realized I had bananas and honey. Peanut butter, banana and honey sandwiches! The day was saved after all. As I slathered the fifth out of six slices with peanut butter, I realized the bread was moldy.

Normally I will throw away the whole loaf if I see one slice with mold. But desperate times call for desperate measures. The mold was only a white dusting on the top crust, so I tore those parts out and finished the sandwiches and fed my girls and myself before they ate me.

So, readers, the moral of the story is that even though we like to make fun of scientists (they get excited about slime mold, for goodness’ sake), they might actually be on to something here. It’s all part of the big picture. You want to know where socks go when they disappear? Find those glaciers and you’ll find your socks.

Thursday, March 23, 2006

Three Link Thursday

Thought I forgot about Three Link Thursday, didn't you? (Or perhaps you hoped.)


Just when you thought fashion wasn't practical anymore.

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Despite my dreams of early retirement, this will be me someday.


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Don't ask me how I came across this. I'm sorry I did, but now all of you must share in my agony. This is a genuine album cover. I apologize, preemptively, for the nightmares.

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Speed Feeding


This is how my daughter feeds her baby. Thought I'd share it with all the new parents out there who are looking for time saving techniques.

Monday, March 20, 2006

Poetry Sunday

Toby the Cat's Midnight Howling

Wait until they sleep,
Stand close to their heads, hear snores;
Top of lungs: MEEEOOOOWWWW!!

Friday, March 17, 2006

The Nose Tampon

Good news is that I'm finally getting over the bronchitis. Still wheezing and coughing, but not so violently. I also have a new doctor whom I really like; my last one was a jerk and a waste of my time. I still have a runny nose and I'm annoyed by my dependence upon the tissue box. Thus, I have come up with an invention:

The Nose Tampon!

They don't call me brilliant for nothing. Not that anyone does. But if they did....

Think of it, you can buy a package of say, 40 Nose Tampons, each individually wrapped in paper or plastic. I haven't decided about the applicator part. Anyway, so you'd insert the tampon in the nostril, using two unless you've got unilateral drippage. The tampon swells to fit the shape of the chamber and absorbs mucus. You can get the regular, super absorbant, or slim (for Michael Jackson sized nostrils). Unlike conventional tampons, there will not be deoderant options. But, one can select different colors so the dangling strings will match your outfit.

I thought about emailing my idea to Kleenex, but David tells me I should wait until the ambien wears off.

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Snow? No.



Pictures from my deck. The snowy picture was taken in the morning and the un-snowy one was taken that afternoon. Weird huh. I live in Western Oregon where it doesn't usually snow at all, especially not in March. Girls had fun though, got to put on their snow suits normally reserved for trips to Mt. Hood.

For Deb.

Friday, March 10, 2006

Triplets again



The "triplets" last night and at 5 months.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Triplets

Today I have triplets.

We have close friends of the family who had a daughter six weeks after our twins were born, and so we call her the triplet. Her mama and big sister traveled to Kansas today, so little Anneka came to stay with us for two days.

Having twins is much different than having two non-twin children, unless they are less than a year apart. When children are a different age, they usually have the older child-younger child dynamic. Twins and other multiples is more like having a kindergarten class where everyone is the same age and interact accordingly.

Twins are easier than singletons because they have a built-in playmate. Twins are harder than singletons because...well, I don't know why, except that you have double the expense at the exact same time, but that can happen with multiple kids in any household.

On one level, having triplets is not a huge stretch from twins. One more mouth to feed, dress, bathe, etc., adds up to added increments of time and money, but is not huge. I'm not sure how we'd hold hands when we walked through a parking lot, though. I tend to hold my girls' hands in a vice grip, especially since they are little and like puppies: they see something bright and shiny and go dashing after it, no looking to the right or left. They are getting better at that, but my paranoid mama brain still keeps them clamped tight. Come to think of it, my husband drives like a puppy, always looking at the bright and shiny things while I squeeze my eyes shut and internally scream.

Oh, yeah, he reads this blog, too. Nevermind that part about the driving.

Anyway, today triplets are harder than usual since I am sick (productive cough, low grade fever) and the girls are recuperating. David is sick, too, so not able to totally bail me out when he gets home. Blah.

PS. I'm thinking about writing a series of posts on my years at boarding school. I'm not sure how willing I am to air the weirdness of those years, but I'm thinking about it.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Under Where?

When I was a kid there was a couple that was friends of our family. They were quiet, but kind folks who I'll call the Millers. I'll never forget the day I was at the Miller's house watching her cut fabric out to make a dress, just exactly the kind of quiet activity I always thought of her doing. That day she told me that every April Fool's Day she played a prank on her husband. Once she made him a sack lunch for work and didn't peel the avocados that were sliced on his sandwich. She said he never did say anything about that, maybe he thought she was beginning to dodder, so best to keep quiet. Another year she sewed the flap of his underwear shut. As she told me how that one really flustered him, she laughed nearly silently, shoulders shaking. I really loved the Millers even more after that.

Today I thought of that while I was folding laundry. The girls were helping me and Sydney held up a pair of her father's underwear. She said, "Look, there's a pocket." She slipped her hand in and looked momentarily confused when her hand came out the other side. But then she solved the problem, "Oh, I think it's just worn out there. Mama, you'd better sew it shut."

Hmmm.

April is just around the corner....

Then my musings were interrupted by:

"Mommy, why is your underwear bigger than the house?"

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Poetry Sunday

Trying out a new poetry style tonight -- acrostic.

Retirement

Really terribly tired
Eternally working
Told to pad my 403(b)
It grows so slowly
Receding?
Eternally working (did I say that?)
Mentally fried (or challenged)
Egads
Not time?
Torture, I'm not even 40 yet.


(It was a long day at work today. Cranky patients, cranky nurses.)

Friday, March 03, 2006

Don't read while drinking milk (unless you pinch your nose)

I was blog surfing today and came across this ROFL-worthy post on Susie's site. It's one of the funniest stories I've read in a long time and cheered me right up. (I see Lawbrat already read it...) :)

Must read!

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Three Link Thursday

Next time you whine about how hard it is to learn computers....
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Oooh, this one fits into two of my categories, 1) dieting support, and 2) why I'm going to stay a vegetarian. I warn you. Don't open this link.

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And finally, a note of encouragement to those folks in Massachusetts. Isn't it heartening to know legislators are hard at work on crucial issues?

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Real Genius

Every night before David and I go to bed, we slip into our girls' room and tuck them in. We adjust the covers and tuck their hair behind their ears. Then we whisper into their ears the things we want them to know in their hearts and dream about, such as "I love you darling" and "Jesus loves you" and "may God bless you, sweetie."

Tonight I happened to hear part of David's whisperings into our daughter's ear:

"The square root of nine is three."