Monday, February 27, 2006

Nepeta cataria, Baby.

While I’m no newbie to alternative remedies, having been labeled a health nut all my life – with varying levels of derision or affection – Lyme Disease has opened up a heretofore unknown dimension of reality. There’s an herb called prima una de gato, that I’m on, for instance. That’s Latin or something, for “cat’s claw.” Hopefully the clawing is something it does to the disease, not to me. The herb is not to be confused with Nepeta cataria which is, of course, catnip. I take the correct herb in a supplement called Samento. My cats ignore me as much as ever, so I know I'm taking the right one.

Driving home from one of my treatments, I thought how all these names would fit so well in many scenarios:

Vacation in South America

Scene: El hospital e carnicero. On vacation, awakening in old hospital bed, surrounded by stained mosquito netting. I can make out three figures standing nearby. It’s a doctor, nurse and my husband. David is nervous, expecting an answer.

Doctor, crushing out cigarette on the floor, looks up at David wearily: “Prima una de gato.” He whispers gruffly.

Nurse, shaking her head sadly, adds: “Samento.”

David: “Nooooo!!”

Mafia Film

Scene: me sitting, tied to a chair in a dank space, one bare light bulb dimly lights the room. The mafia don and his men are shadows, sitting on the other side of the room.

Man leans toward the don, both looking at me: “Prima una de gato.” He whispers gruffly.

The don narrows his eyes, and speaks, his voice sounding like his jaw and nose had once been broken: “Samento.”

Me: “Nooooo!!!”

Zorro Film

Scene: Don Pedro’s villa, Great Hall. Zorro (who looks uncannily like my husband David) has just taken down six bad guys with a whip and his sword. I have just eliminated six others simply by loosening my corset in a deadly thwang. I shouldn’t have eaten all that brisket (whatever that is). Zorro rushes over to my aid, but realizes I need none.

Zorro grabs me about the waist and looks deeply into my eyes: “Prima una de gato.” He whispers gruffly.

Me: “Samento!” Lip-lock.

Don Pedro: “Nooooo!!”

2 Comments:

At Tuesday, February 28, 2006 5:44:00 AM, Anonymous lawbrat said...

You never fail to make me laugh! Thank you for that.

 
At Tuesday, February 28, 2006 8:59:00 PM, Blogger Sheryle said...

My pleasure!

 

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