Sunday, November 27, 2005

Holiday Shopping

Anyone else recovering from the holidays? Oh wait, it isn't over yet. I went to the mall tonight after work to look for Christmas gifts and was reminded why, every year, I wished I'd done this sooner. I am not a crowd person. Like my husband on Black Friday I hoped to get in and get out. But instead I felt like a Nascar in a parking lot. You can have the best intentions of getting from points A to B and get the checkered flag, but there are too many obstacles. There's grandma and grandpa moving in their own time zone. Then you come across a group of adolescents, low-rise jeans and i-pods five kids wide in a no passing zone. Oh, and the double stroller -- but the kids are walking next to it and mom's carrying a bag of something huge, a jacuzzi I think, on the other side.

The key is to not make eye contact. Walk like you're the only one in the mall. Which only works when you are walking opposite the flow of traffic. I'm small, so no one sees me coming up behind them. I take a split second to zip around them on the shoulder and nearly get nailed by a huge guy who sees a cell phone kiosk out of the corner of his eye and makes an unscheduled right turn. I was stuck in his shoe for hours before he scraped me off on the curb. Ok, that part isn't true, but it could have happened.

I ended up getting one measly gift after darting in and out 234 stores. I couldn't take it anymore and left, knowing full well that it will only get worse. Next time the halls will be filled with barking sea lions masquerading as Christmas shoppers and I hear they've scheduled cattle drives for the remainder of the season.

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